The Day I lost my 3 a.m. Friend…

Some days I wake up feeling like I can conquer the world, then fate throws me a curve ball. I often catch it, but sometimes I miss. When I lose, my courage wavers and I begin to feel unworthy, hopeless and anxious. If I consider asking for help I often hesitate because of the fear of being labeled, sermonized, judged or having my feelings minimized.

Although I know things will get better, sometimes, its the last damn thing I want to hear. One day, I built up the courage to ask for help. I picked up the phone, and I called my ‘3am friend.’ He answered, and I said: “If I ever call you and tell you I want to kill myself,” he interrupted and jokingly remarked, “shall I send you a gun?” My mood fell, my heart ached, and I became irate. He apologized profusely, but the damage was done.

Don’t assume that your friends are mature enough to handle your vulnerability. Ensure that the people you identify as your support understand how you want to be treated. Furthermore, evaluate your expectations of your friends to determine whether you have mismanaged them. Lastly explore alternative supports, if you can’t tell the ones you know, tell someone you don’t know. Get support!

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